By Toronto Life & Mindset Alignment Coach Stephanie J. Marshall

How Women Self Sabotage:

When I’m on a consult call with someone and I ask what their biggest obstacle is, often they say “I am”. For so many women, self-sabotage sucks up a lot of time, mental energy, and emotional labour, whether they are aware of it or not. And it’s going to have a huge ripple effect.

Self sabotage coaching is built right into the Alignment Coaching Framework. Understanding the patterns of self-sabotage and getting clarity on your patterns will make it so much simpler and easier to find the clear path that you really want to be on, and figure out what you’re actually capable of (and have more fun).

 The List: Top 10 Ways that Women Self-Sabotage

I’ve compiled a list of the top 10 most common ways that women get in their own way. 

In no particular order:

1. Overthinking: You spend too much time stuck in your head going through each possible scenario, past present and future, and not getting to any resolution – and let’s be honest – often spending the most time on the worst case scenario and stressing yourself out.

2. Indecision: Spinning in indecision, unable to make up your mind, in part because you aren’t willing to make a choice based on the possibilities that you can see in front of you, always waiting for more information or until you “feel” ready.

3. Self-judgement: You are viewing everything through the lens of good, bad, pass, fail, should, shouldn’t, right, or wrong.

4. Self-Doubt: You are dedicating a lot of brain space to compare how you measure up to others or perceived expectations, and more specifically how you might not.

5. Lack of Self-Trust: You can’t count on yourself to follow through on your commitments to yourself.

6. Fear of Failure: You are unwilling to risk the perceived failure from others or yourself. You avoid risks and stay stagnant because you’re unwilling to go forward until you feel 100% confident.

7. Procrastination: You can’t click your brain into place and follow through for yourself no matter how good your intentions or how much you plan. Often living in “catch-up” mode.

8. Perfectionism: You believe there is an exact right way to do something, and you won’t do it unless it’s done perfectly.

9. Prioritizing Others and People Pleasing: You are focused on other people’s wants and needs at the expense of your own, and saying no makes you feel guilty. You struggle to set boundaries but feel frustrated when people keep asking you for more.

10. Need for Certainty and Feeling in Control: You are unwilling to do anything unless there is a guaranteed outcome, and you often waste time worrying about what cannot be controlled.

Stop Self Sabotaging

When you get in your own way it slows you down, you get stuck in the weeds, and it keeps you from exploring what’s possible. And when you feel stuck you start to emotionally disengage and feel less connected to yourself and your life, which in turn will make it harder to do the things you know you need to do to get unstuck. And then you feel even more disconnected.

If you want to stop the habit of self-sabotage, you have to get out of the weeds and start looking at the bigger picture in order to connect to what you actually want. This will free up mental and emotional resources and make it so much easier to get on your own team.

The brain operates differently when we start thinking that way, and from there you can start building new habits. It will feel weird at first because it requires you to change some patterns that have worked for you in the past, but that’s normal since our subconscious doesn’t like change.

The bad habits and patterns that result in getting in your own way will have a ripple effect across your life. The following are some of the most common and glaring outcomes. It’s important to note that the individual outcomes below reinforce each other.

Wasting Time and energy:

When you self-sabotage, it slows you down and it’s costing you time. You get stuck in the weeds, which is to say, you get tangled in the less valuable details. It’s exhausting.

Feeling Disconnected:

When you feel stuck, you start to emotionally disengage and feel less connected to yourself and your life

Losing Motivation:

When you feel less connected it’s harder to do the things you know you need to do to get unstuck.

Lack of Clarity and Perspective:

It’s almost as if you’re underwater or in a fog, and there’s a layer preventing you from seeing things clearly, as they are. and you lose sight of the big picture. Then you feel even more disconnected. And repeat.

Missing Out:

You’re missing out on fun, opportunities, and connections. You’re missing out on feeling alive, anticipation, satisfaction, and growth.

It Feels Like Sh*t More Often:

The patterns of self-sabotage cause extra worry, stress, anxiety, and dread. Not to mention being an a$$hole to yourself.

Self-Sabotage Coaching

Many women have found that coaching is the fastest way to break the patterns of self-sabotage. The steps are simple, and the learning comes from consistent application. You need to:

1. Start thinking more about what you want and what’s possible instead of what you want to escape or avoid.

Alignment Coaching recconects you with your gut instinct and what drives you. We look at the short-term and long-term to make sure they align with your values and desires and work for the context of your life

Using the Alignment Framework you will easily find out where to start to get the fastest results. You’re going to:

• Choose what to prioritize.
• Collect data (not judgements) 
• Examine your self-image and your mindset, and figure out what’s working for you, and what’s really not.
• Learn how to create a well-managed mind and process your feelings.

3. Start making decisions and following through for yourself, not just following through for everybody else.

You will build the habit of committing and prioritizing the right things and build the skill of catching and redirecting yourself when you get off track.

It works fast, with clients often seeing results in under three weeks. Enough with the self-sabotage, time to get on your own team.

Not only will you feel like you have more time and more energy, but so much more will be possible for you because you will be taking more action more easily.

Book a call to find out more about online group coaching or personal coaching.

-Stephanie