By Stephanie J. Marshall, Toronto-based Master Alignment Coach
Is Self-Doubt Why You Don’t Try?
Self-doubt is #4 on our list of the top 10 ways that intelligent women get in their own way.
What have you never pursued only because you weren’t sure if you could pull it off?
Now, if you KNEW you would succeed, would you go all in for it? What would be worth the effort if you were guaranteed success?*
When people are spending time worrying about whether they’re good enough, they already know that they might be. But what they really want before they try, is a guarantee.
If you’re worrying there is a part of you that wants to try, and the “worry” comes because you’ve jumped ahead and you’re already thinking about:
- How big an effort it will be.
- What happens if you fail.
That’s normal. Your subconscious doesn’t want to expend any effort on something that isn’t guaranteed.
That’s why it’s so much easier to convince yourself that you probably won’t succeed than to convince yourself that it’s worth trying to see what happens**.
This is how people get stuck wishing things were different.
How To Get Past Self Doubt
Accept where you are. You might not be good enough right now but that’s fine, it doesn’t mean that you can’t learn along the way.
Get Curious. If you’re worrying about whether you’re good enough to do something, you’re getting distracted with self-judgement and you aren’t being curious about how you could do it. Ask yourself what you know, what you could try, and what could get in the way that you will need to overcome. From there make a simple plan, and it will evolve as you do.
Do shit, collect data, and adjust as necessary. It’s simple but hinges on commitment, consistency, and the willingness to keep going through inevitable ups and downs.
The Most Important Skill Set: Processing Feelings & Managing Your Mind
Failure often has little to do with being good enough. Most people give up or don’t even try, and settle for less than is possible is to avoid negative feelings. For example:
Once you learn how to process feelings you will know that you can handle whatever feelings come up. Negative feelings feel shitty, but they pass and they aren’t worth giving up on yourself.
When you operate from a well-managed mind your feelings aren’t in charge. Chatter in your brain won’t throw you off, instead, you choose the thoughts you will focus on with intention. You’re better able to clearly see the big picture, and be more curious, objective, and motivated to keep going. You won’t waste time with self-doubt when you could be coming up with ideas and trying them out.
Once you’re no longer letting self-doubt run the show you’re going to feel lighter and more in control. You are going to see so many more possibilities when you get curious about what you could try instead of worrying about how you might fail.
The skills of processing feelings and managing your mind are integral to the Kickstartology Alignment Coaching Program and they are baked into the framework. We have simple tools that we show you how to start using right away. The program is designed with a combination of group coaching and individual support to meet you where you are. We show you how to get out of your own way, connect to what you really want, and discover what you are capable of. The formula for loving your life.
P.S. Free workshop alert: Living Unapologetically Beyond 40 - The Mindset Reset for Living Boldly! Details and Registration
P.P.S. If you're tired of trying to change your patterns and get the results you want on your own and you're curious about the benefits of coaching book a coaching exploration call to find out more about Alignment Coaching and whether it's the right fit for you right now.
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