“How Do I Stop Caring About What Other People Think”

Assuming you’re not a sociopath, you’re going to care to some extent what other people think because we’re wired to care about what people think of us for survival. 

That said, worrying about what other people think can go too far and turn into self-sabotage. If you do any of these you’re spending too much time and mental energy worrying about what other people think:

1. You’re holding back, playing small, or not doing something that you want to do because you’re scared of people judging you.
2. You’re ruminating on what people think of you.
3. You rely on feedback from others because you struggle to make decisions when you don’t know what people will think.

The good news is that you can care about what others think while also being okay with the fact that some people might be judging you negatively. You don’t have to like it, but it doesn’t have to be a problem.

The key is to care more about what YOU think than what other people think.

Four Big Truths:

1. Even though most people are thinking more about themselves than you, some people will be thinking thoughts about you and judging you.

2. You can never know for sure what other people are thinking, even if they tell you.

3. You can’t control what other people think of you, just like no one can control your thoughts about them.

4. People frequently make incorrect assumptions about what other people think.

How to Start Caring More About What You Think

• Get curious about the situation: Start with whatever you are worried about being judged about and question your assumptions. Examine what you want, what you are scared of, and what’s at stake. Consider where you might be wrong, where you might be exaggerating, as well as different possible outcomes. Don’t forget to imagine the best-case scenario (too many of you only imagine the worst)!
• Be specific: Who specifically are you imagining judging you, what do you imagine them thinking, and why does it matter to you? Seriously, be specific and detailed with your answers and make sure you’re writing this down because when you see it in writing you might immediately realize that your inner drama queen has taken over.
• Get meta: What do you think about your thoughts about them thinking about you?
• How are you judging yourself? In Kickstartology we say “Collect data not judgements” because when you add the weight of judgement to your self-evaluations it reduces clarity. High emotion leads to low intelligence.

Fun fact: The more you judge others, the more you will assume others are judging you and the more you will judge yourself (and it also goes the other way). 

Get on your own team

Learning to focus more on your own thoughts is a habit, so it will come more easily with practice. Once you know what you think, it’s much easier to accept that others have their own thoughts that may not even have to do with you.

Remember, other people’s thoughts are never the problem, it’s your thoughts about other people’s thoughts that are holding you back.

Once you dial down the feelings it is easier to make decisions in your own best self-interest. 

You might still have thoughts about what others think, and moments of self-doubt or fear, but it won’t hijack your brain. It feels so good to be on your own team.