By Stephanie J. Marshall, Toronto-based Master Alignment Coach
How Do You Get In Your Own Way
When I’m on a consult call with someone and I ask what their biggest obstacle is, often they say “I am”. And they’re frustrated because getting in your own way sucks up a lot of time, mental energy, and emotional labour.
On a practical day-to-day level getting in your own way looks like this and it’s going to have a ripple effect impact on your life.
Coaching women on how to get out of their own way is a significant part of Kickstartology. It’s the only way to find the clear path that you really want to be on, and figure out what you’re actually capable of (and have more fun).
The List: Top 10 Ways that Women Get in Their Own Way
I’ve compiled a list of the top 10 most common ways that women get in their own way.
In no particular order:
- Overthinking: You spend too much time stuck in your head going through each possible scenario, past present and future, and not getting to any resolution.
- Indecision: You are not willing to make a choice based on the current possibilities that you can see in front of you, always waiting for more information or until you “feel” ready.
- Self-judgement: You are viewing everything through the lens of good, bad, pass, fail, should, shouldn’t, right, or wrong.
- Self-Doubt: You are dedicating a lot of brain space to assess how you measure up and more specifically how you might not.
- Lack of Self-Trust: You can’t count on yourself to follow through on your commitments to yourself.
- Fear of Failure: You are unwilling to risk the perceived failure from others or yourself.
- Procrastination: You can’t click your brain into place and follow through for yourself no matter how good your intentions or how much you plan.
- Perfectionism: You believe there is an exact right way to do something, and you won’t do it unless it’s done perfectly.
- Prioritizing Others and People Pleasing: You are focused on other people’s wants and needs at the expense of your own wants and needs, and saying no to others is really uncomfortable.
- Need for Certainty and Feeling in Control: You are unwilling to do anything unless there is a guaranteed outcome, and you often waste time worrying about what cannot be controlled.
Familiar? Chime-in: Tell us your top three in our anonymous poll.
When you get in your own way it slows you down, you get stuck in the weeds, and it keeps you from exploring what’s possible. And when you feel stuck you start to emotionally disengage and feel less connected to yourself and your life, which in turn will make it harder to do the things you know you need to do to get unstuck. And then you feel even more disconnected.
If you want to stop the habit of getting in your own way, you have to get out of the weeds and start looking at the bigger picture in order to connect to what you actually want. This will free up mental and emotional resources and make it so much easier to get on your own team.
The brain operates differently when we start thinking that way, and from there you can start building new habits. It will feel weird at first because it requires you to change some patterns that have worked for you in the past, but that’s normal since our subconscious doesn’t like change.
In Kickstartology we show you how to use the Alignment Framework to shift your brain into a different problem-solving mode, and then we teach you how to use “The Model” to become an expert at catching yourself when you get in your own way, and redirecting yourself towards more useful patterns.
Not only will you feel like you have more time and more energy, but so much more will be possible for you because you will be taking more action more easily.
You’re worth it.
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