When You Want to Make More Friends

By Toronto Life & Mindset Alignment Coach Stephanie J. Marshall

The Loneliness Taboo

It’s more taboo to admit that you want more friends than to say you want to find a stranger to hook up with.

And that’s messed up.

Over the last year I’ve noticed more people coming to into coaching with the desire for more connection in their lives. Often they feel a little ashamed and embarrassed to admit that they want more friends or deeper friendships because they feel like they should already have that. They worry that it means something about them if they don’t have that.

But there are plenty of reasons why so many people are feeling a deficit on the friendship front these days and want to make more friends.

• Sometimes people move or change jobs and it can be hard to maintain the same levels of friendship.
• Sometimes we feel less connected to our friends if we find ourselves in different stages in our lives.
• Sometimes we evolve and feel like our friends are no longer aligned with how we want to show up.
• Friendship ebbs and flows are natural, but they have been impacted by the pandemic and many people haven’t had as many opportunities to meet new people and grow new friendships.

Furthermore, a lot of people believe that making new friends as an adult is hard.

Here’s the thing: It can be easy. But your mindset matters.

Mindset and Making More Friends

At the risk of sounding cheesy, to connect easily with others you need to feel connected to yourself. That means knowing who you are and liking yourself. If you aren’t sure if you like yourself, how will you know if you like someone else?

The standard advice would be to go out and talk to people and do activities you like, bla, bla, bla.. but aside from the obvious (that meeting new people is definitely a part of the puzzle), doing activities with strangers doesn’t guarantee to make friends. However, being interested and curious about others, and giving a shit, is absolutely non-negotiable.

If you are comfortable with yourself, put yourself out there and make offers of friendship (not in a creepy way), and approach everyone you meet with interest and curiosity, making new friends will be unavoidable.

Alignment Coaching and Connection

If any of that feels a little scary or uncomfortable, that’s where Alignment coaching can help you. The simple Kickstartology Alignment Framework will guide you to the exact steps you need to take to feel connected to yourself and feel comfortable approaching others with curiosity even you are risking rejection.

Read More: How to Stop Being Lonely