Do you have the Right Mindset for Dating?

If you have the right mindset for dating it is going to be easier, more pleasant, and more likely to yield you the results you actually want.

The trip five things to keep in mind if you want the right mindset for dating are:

1. Clarity

Why do you want a relationship? How do you want to feel and what do you want to experience? What does a relationship need to embody in order to align with how you want to live your life?
A rookie mistake might be to lead by asking yourself what you want to get from a relationship. Now there might be value in asking yourself what you want to get from a relationship, but only if you spend as much time dedicated to what you want to give in a relationship.

Don’t make a deal-breaker list with details like height, job title, and musical taste. If you know yourself and why you want a relationship to begin with, these things will either matter and align or not depending on the whole person.

Casually Coaching Strangers Podcast:

Chatting with a caller about her dating mindset.

2. Believe in the Possibility

Let’s assume you are a single straight woman in Toronto. Have you ever said “There are no good single men in Toronto”?
If you say this, it will be true for you. This is a scarcity mindset for dating and a scarcity mindset leads to scarcity in the results. Our subconscious works to affirm our beliefs, and identifies information to confirm what we believe to be true. Not to mention, if you believe this, will you put any effort into meeting finding good single men in Toronto? Why would you bother going on a unicorn hunt?
If you have been saying that there are no men, consider this sentence: “There are some good single men somewhere ion Toronto”. This statement isn’t over the top, but it will make all of the difference in the world in comparison to the one above. It brings in the possibility. This statement makes it worthwhile to keep searching.

Pro-tip: Edge your thoughts towards the most abundant belief you can actually believe in your gut. The more you believe in the possibility, the higher the probability that you get into action.

3. Get into Action

Having the right mindset for dating does not mean that that you will be able to “manifest” one from your couch.
You must get into action. Once you believe that the possibility of a good single man in Toronto is there, what can you do to meet him? Brainstorm. Be creative. I didn’t say to be outrageous and ridiculous, but what can you do differently?

You might just change things a little but notice a dramatically different result. For example, if you are online dating and focused on a belief that all of the men are imbeciles, you will have a vastly different experience than if you are focused on the thought that there is an awesome guy that you will stumble upon soon. And it’s much less exhausting and demoralizing.

4. Take off your Judgy Mindset Pants

It’s so easy to make snap judgment calls when dating but what if when you judge someone as inferior, you are closing yourself off to possibility and growth? Judgment is often about insecurity and establishing our “rank” in relation to others.
You can decide that you aren’t into someone, without judging them. This isn’t about your standards or “baselines”, but about seeing the humanity in everyone while listening to what you want.

If you catch yourself judging someone, a great way to check-in to see if this judgment is warranted is to turn it around on yourself. For example, if you complain that someone was boring, ask yourself, do you think that to them you were riveting? Pro-tip: If you feel defensive, chances are this is stemming from insecurity.

5. Don’t be an Asshole to Yourself

Don’t judge yourself harshly either. Be kind to yourself.
You are looking for the people who are looking for you. You are enough already. Right now. You don’t need to get more perfect in any way before you can have a relationship.
Ready? Go and work on these mindset for dating pro-tips and don’t forget that it can be fun.

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If you aren't sure, a conversation will be the fastest way for you to determine definitively if this is right for you right now. We can discuss what we would work on, how we would approach it, and what that would look like specifically for you.

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