By Nadine Araksi, Toronto-based Story Coach
Self-judgement is one of the most common and destructive forms of negative self-talk, and it affects millions of people worldwide.
TRUTH: We’re all a$$holes to ourselves sometimes. We all have an inner voice that speaks to us, guiding, supporting, and sometimes criticizing us. But when that voice becomes harsh, critical, and judgmental, it can turn into a toxic asshole that sabotages our happiness, success, and well-being.
You can’t shame or guilt yourself into sustainable, long-term growth and change. You can’t hate yourself into a body you appreciate, respect, and love.
If you struggle with self-judgement, you’re not alone. Many people feel like they’re their own worst critics, constantly nitpicking, doubting, or belittling themselves. The good news is that you can break free from this harmful pattern and cultivate self-compassion, acceptance, and love. Here are some tips and strategies to help you quit being an asshole to yourself and start treating yourself with kindness and respect.
How coaching helps transform self-judgement into self-compassion
1. Identify your triggers
The first step to overcoming self-judgement is to become aware of your triggers. These are the situations, people, or thoughts that tend to trigger your inner critic and make you feel inadequate, ashamed, or unworthy. Common triggers can include social comparison, perfectionism, past failures, or personal insecurities. By recognizing and labelling your triggers, you can start to diffuse their power and respond to them in a more constructive and compassionate way.
2. Challenge your thoughts
SPOILER: Your thoughts are not facts. The second step to breaking free from self-judgement is to challenge your thoughts. This means questioning the accuracy, validity, or helpfulness of your negative self-talk and replacing it with more positive and realistic statements. For example, instead of saying, “I’m a failure,” you could say, “I may have failed at this task, but I’m still a worthy and capable person who can learn and grow from my mistakes.” By reframing your thoughts in a more balanced and constructive way, you can reduce your self-criticism and build your self-confidence. (Don’t worry, we teach you how to do this in-depth through the program!)
3. Practice self-compassion
The third step to cultivating self-compassion is to practice it regularly. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and support that you would offer to a good friend who’s going through a tough time. This can include things like self-soothing, self-validation, or self-care. For example, you could give yourself a hug, write yourself a love letter, or take a relaxing bath. By showing yourself compassion, you can counteract the negative effects of self-judgment and nurture your emotional well-being.
4. Seek support
The fourth step to overcoming self-judgement is to seek support from others. This can involve talking to a trusted friend, family member, coach or therapist who can offer you empathy and encouragement. At Kickstartology, a community of like-minded people who share your challenges and goals go through the program with you and cheer you on. By connecting with others who understand and support you, you can feel less alone and more empowered to overcome your self-judgment.
5. Celebrate your small wins
The fifth step in overcoming self-judgement is noticing small positive shifts toward the change you seek. At Kickstartology, we do this on every call and every worksheet. It’s uncomfortable at first, but with practice, we all get really good at it. Ate a vegetable? Woot! Managed to get pants on?Hooray! Took a walk today? Cheer!
6. Evaluate your results consistently
In our coaching program, we give you the tools to notice where you’re at currently, decide where you want to get to, and how to measure your progress. And boy, do we ever celebrate when one of us achieves something!
Over time, you begin to notice how much awesome stuff you’re actually doing, which makes you want to do more awesome stuff. You learn to be kinder to yourself when you inevitably get something wrong and veer into your self-judgment habit. You begin to accept that you’re not a perfect robot but that you’re perfectly human. And over the six months in the program, you string together a bunch of small, medium, and large wins, which collectively help you achieve your goals.
Overcome self-judgement with alignment coaching
So stop trying to be perfect, and quit being an a$$hole to yourself. Imagine getting to that fitness goal, new job, decluttered house, or exciting relationship WITHOUT being a jerk to yourself. How much better would you feel?
We help intelligent women like you, women who feel stuck in a cycle of berating themselves, get out of their heads (and their own way) to build a thrilling life that also feels lighter, easier, and more fun. We call this “living in alignment,” and we’ve built a whole Alignment Framework to help you get there!
We teach you how to keep showing up for yourself when the going gets tough and help you break the patterns that create boredom, unease, and the inability to move forward. Just ask our super busy alumni, Amanda Munday, who said, “Kickstartology’s philosophy and pedagogy are next level. It has completely shifted my thinking on so many different avenues of my life, not just my career.”
You can do this. You’re more than ready. We’ve got you.
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