By Stephanie Marshall, Toronto based Master Alignment Coach
Do You Secretly Think You Need to Try Harder?
Do you believe somewhere deep down that if you just tried hard enough you would be in control, be super organized, efficient, follow through on everything for everyone as well as have time for yourself? But how do you try harder when you are already exhausted and busy?
” Trying harder” is so ingrained in our movies and tv shows as the solution to everything. And it messes with us because it’s total bullshit.
There is no “3 easy steps to try harder” manual because it’s not about how hard you try, it only comes down to what you are trying, and how you are approaching it.
Shame About Not Trying Hard Enough
I had a consult call with a woman who was frustrated and exhausted because work kept taking over too much of her life. She told me that she knew what she needed to do, and she just needed to try harder and do it. I asked her how trying harder would change anything and she answered:
“Well I would actually do it”
I asked her what those things she would do were and she answered rapid-fire:
“Get more organized, schedule everything better, stop procrastinating, less social media, food prep every week, have strict bedtimes, schedule quality time without phones, workout every morning, and be more focused and efficient at work.”
The Real Problem with Trying Harder
But here’s the thing, I asked more questions (I ask a lot of questions on coaching consult calls) and things are already pretty organized on the home front and she is already quite focused and efficient at work. The real problem is that she always feels like she is behind so she is never comfortable putting work away, and she feels guilty about any time that is not being used efficiently and so she sacrifices the time she could take for herself to try to get ahead, but then she procrastinates because she needs a break. And then tells herself to try harder but can’t figure out how to try harder.
“Trying harder” to her meant adding more to her (already full) to-do list and inevitably disappointing herself. No matter how much motivation, planning, and accountability she could find, optimizing her productivity was only going to bring in marginal productivity returns, but would not change the way she felt.
It’s so easy to get caught chasing to-do lists and believing that if we get to the other side of our list, that’s where we will find ease, and we can relax and enjoy ourselves. But it doesn’t work that way.
Finding Ease Without Sacrificing Progress
In Kickstartology we help you break this pattern and replace it with an approach that will allow you to feel more in control, and better able to feel connected to your whole life. We help you get out of the weeds and make room for more of the things that matter to you by bringing together the big picture with the micro-decisions you are making on a daily basis. We help you get out of your own way so that you can keep excelling, but on your own terms.
The Alignment framework is simple and easy to understand, but working through it requires a commitment to yourself, that you matter, and a willingness to ask yourself difficult questions and answer them honestly.
Going through the process will help you learn to trust yourself and build your self-belief. You will be better able to handle the stress of the unexpected, as well the ups and downs that are part of life. You will feel like you have more time, confidence in your decisions, and best of all, figure out what you are actually capable of.
Start to break out of the cycle of “chasing done” now, because the sooner you start, the sooner you will have time for yourself without stress and overwhelm, or feeling behind. You will release the weight of impossible expectations.
P.P.P.S. Our client, Hanna, says it best:
“Kickstartology Coaching offers a mix of brain tools, challenge, community, encouragement, and consistency. The openness of the Kickstartology team and of my fellow program participants has helped me envision my future, create a blueprint for the way I want to show up in the world, and start building the habits I want in my life."
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