By Nadine Araksi, Toronto-based Story Coach

You better not cry

A pre-game primer for Festivus

Here we goooooo! 

You’ve worked hard all year. You’ve been reading our posts, doing the program or various workshops, and you now have more tools in your kit than one of Santa’s elves. 

Now it’s time for the big game. Whether your love language is Gifts of Appreciation (or turkey dinner), you celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, or you are merely getting some non-denominational downtime, chances are that some of your buttons might get pushed.

  • A relative or in-law makes a passive-aggressive remark
  • Someone you love gets sick (or worse, you get sick)
  • Plans change, or you have no plans
  • Weather happens
  • Loneliness and belonging trigger wires get tripped
  • You feel like you’re doing more labour than another adult in your life
  • Work trespasses your OOO boundaries 

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling like someone made us feel a certain way. We’re so used to falling into old habits and old patterns, especially when around people who know the exact sequence of words or gestures to get us there. So if this happens to you, I’d like you to remember that it’s a normal human thing.

The good news is you don’t have to react. You can get ahead of holiday drama by remembering that noticing your feelings is the first step to allowing them to pass through you. But should you miss that pause and go into a reaction, that’s OK too. Here’s how to salvage it so you can sail through festivities and enter a few days of goblin mode.

You had an unpleasant reaction. Now what?

You snapped at your MIL or your kid. You ended up in tears in the bathroom. You’re quietly seething while someone passes the gravy. 

It’s OK! You’ve got this! Here’s a quick way to get a handle on the feels when you don’t have the time or space for the deeper dives we teach in the program.

1. Note it. “What am I feeling right now?” Keep it to one feeling in your body. 

2. Name it. “What am I thinking that’s causing me to feel this way? What do I believe happened?”

3. Question it. “What does it mean to think that thought? Is it true? Does it matter?”

4. Consider parking it. “Do I need to do something about this now? Or can I put it somewhere, jot it down, and go back to it later?” 

5. Love yourself. It sounds silly, but a quick “I love you, Nadine” always sets me right. Giving that moment of love and appreciation to myself for doing the work really helps me not to need validation from others.

Thank you for showing up for yourselves!

Every time you read one of our posts, you’re doing something kind and loving for you. We’ve loved spending another year guiding you through those pesky thoughts that make us feel crappy or keep us stuck. We trust you’ve found some good ideas, solace, reflection points, laughter, and helpful ways of looking at things through our programs and content. 

Wishing you a very happy holiday season as we enter our fifth year in business together!
~ Nadine & Steph

Want to gift yourself the gift of time to think about what’s next? Book a call with Steph (or yours truly). On your exploration call, we’ll assess where you are right now and walk you through how we can apply the Alignment Framework to your current situation to help you move into the feelings and results you want to cultivate. You’ll feel supported because you’ll BE supported — by two coaches and a community of women who lift each other up. Come find out why our program is the most fun! It’ll be the best holiday gift you can give yourself. You’ll be at Jedi level of mind-training by next holiday season.

* indicates required
Self Sabotage: Top 10 Ways Women Get In Their Own Way

Self Sabotage: Top 10 Ways Women Get In Their Own Way

By Stephanie J. Marshall, Toronto-based Master Alignment Coach How Women Self Sabotage: When I'm on a consult call with someone and I ask what their biggest obstacle is, often they say "I am". For so many women, self-sabotage sucks up a lot of time, mental energy, and...

How to Stop Being Lonely

How to Stop Being Lonely

The Loneliness Cycle Experiencing the feeling is loneliness is a part of life, but chronic loneliness sucks and has all sorts of negative impacts on health and wellbeing. Breaking free of chronic loneliness is made more difficult because the coping mechanisms, the...

The Cool Modern Midlife Woman ™

The Cool Modern Midlife Woman ™

Midlife Women are a Hot Topic I’m 50 and I’ve been noticing all of the hype about women getting older and owning it. And while I love the fact that midlife women aren’t invisible anymore and people are learning what perimenopause is, there’s something about the...